[Fanmade] A Sexy Comedy– The Chatter of Killer J’s

[Fanmade] A Sexy Comedy– The Chatter of Killer J’s

The below is a delightful work by a fan. JYJ3 provides the translation in full. Kick back, relax, and get ready to laugh tears ><.

A Sexy Comedy– The Chatter of Killer J’s

When I say “sexy comedy” I mean that the content is not sexy but that the appearing persons are. I was inspired by the work of 람쥐 nim of Kim Jaejoong Gallery (link here). (Thank you!)

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Once upon a time, in a town named Gongju, a set of quadruplets was born. The day was a sweet day, on which rain of sugar fell from the sky and the clouds turned into cotton candy. The quadruplets shook the whole of the town since they were newborns with gasp-inducing beauty, and when it came time for them to go to elementary school, they were sent off to different parts of the world in order to redistribute such beauty. If you ask just what law mandates such a result—it does here. This is known as the “Share the Jae” theory.

Time passed… and the quadruplets, who had wrecked havoc in their respective towns with their beauty but for some reason had little earnings, again gathered in one place in order to save on rent. (This is what is known as the matter of adults.) It would’ve been nice if all the names shared a syllable or so, but for some reason, the names are all over the place. Their names were Ochna, Orchid, Chrysanthemum, Phyllostachys… Ah, just kidding.

The eldest: Muwon

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In his own way, he is the director of the headquarters for a large corporation.

He was born only 3 minutes early but his brothers treat him as hyung no matter what and so he feels a bit tired.

He has said that he thinks he is ugly, and was beat up by his brothers who share his face.

The second: Sungsu

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He is a salesman for a medical equipment firm.

It seems that from something he is bothered, but he won’t tell his brothers what.

The third: Jaejoon

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Postman.

He is busy being in love.

Among the brothers who whine for their lack of a girlfriend, he is a hero.

The youngest: Changsik

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Unemployed wannabe gangster.

If his face hadn’t been so pretty, he would’ve been buried in the mountains a long time ago.

Dream job: Mutt; Blowfly (T/N: play on the “ugly man” roles that Jaejoong said he wanted to play)

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However, they were not quadruplets for nothing, and their living patterns were similar. So they would receive an explosive water bill after crazily washing their faces only with water. They would also all cook and make a fuss about feeding each other but since they all had small stomachs they would pay a boatload for the ingredients but have leftovers. In the end, within two months of living together, their living expenses showed bottom. But a few days later, into the shared bank account that they all used for living expenses, a great deal of money poured in. Therefore the brothers assumed that the problem of their living expenses was fixed and began to live happily again. And when again the account neared its end, money was deposited. Just like that, the bank account was being re-filled over and over. They went on for a while, but one day—

“But eldest brother, why is your pay day so irregular?”

“What are you talking about?”

To Jaejoon’s question, Muwon who had been reading Korea Herald, an English-language newspaper, because he was the only one in the household who could, asked back, blasé.

“I mean the money in the bank account. Last time money came in on the 2th but this month it came in on the 17th, didn’t it?”

“But that’s not my paycheck…”

“Whaaaat?!”

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At Muwon’s answer, the other brothers were also quite surprised.

“Wasn’t it that hyung deposited hyung’s paycheck?”

“It’s such a family-like company that they keep giving me stock instead of cash. I have no money.”

“Then whose money is it?”

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Sungsu was bad at sales and so he could not make much money, and as for the tiny paycheck of a Postman, Jaejoon was “giving it all” to have dates with the luckiest girl in the world, Cho Hana. As for Changsik—his situation was such that if money wasn’t taken from him, he was lucky. Then, what was the source of the deposited funds?!

“Be honest. Who is it?”

“It’s you, isn’t it?”

“It’s hyung, isn’t it?”

“No… is it you, our youngest? You… you didn’t sell your organs (T/N: pronounced “janggi” in Korean) did you?

“I can’t even play baduk so how would I play janggi?” (T/N: “janggi” is also a word meaning a Korean game similar to chess.)

Changsik was hit by the Korea Herald.

Somehow, the situation was such that all were denying that they were the source of the funds. If you get to know them, they actually are quite stubborn, and so the situation continued until this round of living expenses ran out. Two days before the electricity was cut, the four were sensing, all of them without order, that someone would soon deposit the funds. The brothers, in agreement, installed a CCTV in front of a drawer that holds the card that accesses the bank account for living expenses.

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The next morning-

The lens of the CCTV camera was shattered. Fortunately, the tape was preserved. The four dorks brothers who confirmed online that the living expenses were deposited took out the CCTV tape with beating hearts and pressed play. And then they saw…

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“He has a gun!!”

“Who IS that?”

“A k…. killer?

The killer took out the bank card and firmly put down his bangs and fired his gun to shatter the lens.

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This was the final cut of the tape.

But because the screen was dark one could not discern hair color, and also the face looks all the same and in any case one could not tell just who it was. We must be stupid T_T_T_T… (Correct). When they though it through, even if the killer were to be captured on video again next time, it would be impossible to verify that it was the same person as this one. In fact, the brothers were such floppy dorks that they could not tell apart their own selcas and said good morning to the reflection in the mirror. Ow man, why do we look all the same and everything?!

When there was no resolution, the words escalated and the suspicion of each other grew—in the end, a fight broke out among the four.

“It’s you, isn’t it?”

“It’s hyung, isn’t it?”

“It’s hyung, I know it!!”

“It’s you!”

“Changsik, you… you’re now touching guns…”

“No way!!”

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In any case none of the brothers was very fast and so the fight did not get very big, but since their punch-power was 4000 it did hurt. After they had a good fight, the quadruplets became miffed at each other. The culprit of the incident of burning down the town farm when they were young and playing with matches is still a mystery… there was a witness but because the four looked exactly the same one could not point a finger to anyone. The brothers who were reminded of this incident broke again into a fight.

“It’s you, isn’t it?”

“It’s hyung, isn’t it?”

“It’s hyung, I know it!”

“It’s you!”

“Sungsu-hyung, put your bag down!!”

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No matter who looks at it, the living expenses are the fruits of a crime. But what is important to these brothers were not that but rather just who is the person who is earning the money. It seems that it is that they want to show some intense thanks and love to the person. Indeed, the identity of the fairy-killer of this house is…?!!!

In fact, before this fight began in earnest, the brothers were talking about raising a cat in the house. For them to conclude their discussion and bring a cat home, they must first make up, but since they were miffed making up was impossible but they want to quickly bring a cat home…

The four brothers were deep in worry. (Hey, before that, I tell you it’s a crime…;;)

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Hoping that the brothers would understand such a heart, he breathes a sigh the window and carefully writes— c.a.t.

Source: Candy
Translation Credit: JYJ3

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